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Dad: What’s your Result?

Son: I’ve failed in 5 subjects.

Dad: From now Onwards Don’t Call Me “DAD”.

Son: Oh Come On Dad! Its my School Test Not a DNA Test.

Heights of Addiction:

Just Before Hanging, Judge asked the prisoner “Any Last Wish?”

Prisoner: Yes, I want to update my FACEBOOK n ORKUT Status as ‘Died’.

Eyes Doctor 2 Patient: Your Eyesight is Surely Weak.

Patient: How Do You Know..??

Doctor: Because You Came from The Window Instead of Door.

There is always a “DRIVE SLOWLY” board near boy’s college

But not near Girl’s College Why?

Reason: Because Vehicles Automatically slow over there.

A Man & a Pretty Woman Who had never met Before
Found Themselves sharing a sleeping compartment on a train.

The man on the Top Bunk & the Lady on the Bottom Bunk.

During the Night, Man woke & asked “Sorry to Bother you But would you reach into the closet to get me a 2nd blanket, I’m freezing!”

She replied: “I’ve a better idea, Why don’t we pretend we are married?”

“Wow What a Great Idea!” he said.

“Good” she said, “Get Your Own Blanket you lazy Bastard!”

Test Your B.P Without any machine
Put ur left hand on Ur heart
Close Ur palm with full force
Count Ur heart beats/min
On120th beat open ur palm &start counting back frm 120 to 0
Now put Ur hand up &stand fr120 sec
Now stand on 1 leg for 120sec
Now at once start running at 80m/hr 2 north &keep running fr 80 min Now stop at once
Now aftr 80 minutes just relax

If u r smiling aftr reading this Msg, ur B.P is normal.

What is your Age? asked the Judge.
Remember You are Under Oath.

Twenty-one years and some months, the woman answered.

How many months? the Judge persisted.
One hundred and eight.

What is the Difference B/W Mortein Spray & Body Spray?

If U use Mortein spray U will die

If U don’t use body spray People will die.

If you want to Remove your Wrinkles,
Pimples, Face marks & the Signs of Skin Aging Try.

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ADOBE PHOTOSHOP.

3 friends Lived in a Flat on the 110th floor.
One day the lift was out of order & they had to climb the stairs to go to 110th Floor.

To pass time & not get bored,
They decided that 1st person should tell a War story, 2nd a Funny story & 3rd a Sad story.

1st person tells a story & They Climbed to 50th Floor.

2nd tells a funny story & They Climbed to 109th Floor.

Now the 3rd had to Tell a Very Sad Story.
He said,
“I’ve left The Door key in Car”

The Phone bill Was Exceptionally High.
Man called a family meeting on Saturday to discuss.

Dad: This is unacceptable. I don’t use this phone, I only use my work phone.

Mum: Me too. I hardly ever use this Phone.

Son: I use my office mobile I never use the home phone.

All of them are shocked & together look at the maid Who’s patiently listening to them.

Maid: What? So We all Use our Work Phones. Not a Big Deal.

Difference Between Horror And Beautiful

A Beautiful Night Is When You Hug Your Teddy Bear and Sleep.

But Horror Is When Your Teddy Hugs You Back.

A little girl asked her Father How did The Human Race Appear?

Father: God made Adam & Eve; They had children &
So was all mankind made.

Later,

Girl asked her Mother the Same!
Mother: Many years ago there were Monkeys
From Which the Human Race Evolved!

Girl to Father: Dad, How is it possible that you Told Me That
Human Race was created by God &
Mom said they developed from Monkeys?

Father: Well, I told you about my side of the family &
Your mother told you about her side.

There is Nothing Greater than Parents in This World.

So go Get Married Fast and Become Parents.

Think Different

Do Different.

A Strange Reality:

The Value of Life Increases only After it is Lost!

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Want Proof?

Alive Chicken: Rs.160/-
Chicken Tandoori: Rs.480/-

A Man Loses Everything Bcoz of Drinking;
He Sees Bmpty Beer Bottles &
Smashes the 1st One Swearing
“You are The Reason I don’t have a Wife”,

Smashes 2nd One saying
“You are The Reason I don’t have a Job.”

Picks Up 3rd Bottle & Notices its Sealed & Full of Beer,

He says “STAND ASIDE, I KNOW YOU ARE NOT INVOLVED!”

If You Want To Be Happy For a Short Time: Get Married

For a Long Time: Fall in Love

If You Want To Be Happy Forever: ?

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Don’t Ever Think of The Above Two Choices.

When I was a Cute Child,

Every girl Wanted to Kiss Me.

I allowed them.
Now I want to kiss many cute girls but they don’t allow.

Moral:
Ladies Are Selfish.

Two Eyes Are Best Friends:

Both Blink Together,
Both Laugh Together,
If 1 Eye Cry D Another 1 Also Cry,
If 1 Eye Sleep D Another 1 Also Sleep,

But

If They Saw A Girl Only 1 Eye Will Blink.

MORAL: A GIRL Can Break Any Relation.

An Mathematician’s Love Letter:

When I saw u with the angle of 180 degree

My eyes intersect with u &

My triangle heart beats fast u integrate my heart &
Divided into ratio,
I wish u+me=a happening couple,
Plz accept my proposal & multiply my joy.

if u reject i’ll devided into factor,
Plz dont subtract my happiness.

I’ll differentiate all ur problems &
Always maintain circle of love around u.

A person in Toilet Hears from Adjacent Toilet

Hi, How Are You?
He is Embarrassed and says doing, Just Fine.

So What are you up to?
Well, just sitting like you.

Can I come over?
No, No I am kinda busy now!

Listen, I have to Call You Back.

There is an Idiot in other Toilet.
Who is Answering my Questions.

An Ailing Grandmother is Talking to her Favorite Grand-Daughter.

“Dori, I’m Old and Weak,
and I Know that the Time for Me to Leave is Near.

I Want You to Inherit My Farm,
Including the Barn, The Villa,
The tractors, The Farmhouse, All the Livestock.”

“Wow, Thank You So much, Grandma!
I didn’t know you even HAD a Farm.
Where is it?”

Grandma: You can find it on My Facebook Account.
Just click on Farmville After Login in
Password: Only4dori.

Do You know More Jokes like this ? Share in Comments and Spread Smiles and FUN But please Share only Clean Jokes, Family Jokes here (i.e. non-adult jokes).

“There Will be Plenty of Time to Sleep
When You are Dead,
Life is for Living.
So wake up and Perform”

~ Benjamin Franklin ~

(“””) (“”")
) (_/\_) ( ISH
(____/\____)

*%*%*%*%*%*
%* YOU *%
*%*%*%*%*%*

(“”")___(“”")
) ( APPY
(___)”"”(___)

“GOOD MORNING”.

Every morning You are handed 24 golden hrs.
They are one of the few things in this world
That U get free of charge.

If You had all the money in the world,
You couldn’t buy an extra hour.

What will You do with This priceless treasure.

Good Morning.

“^*New*^”
Day
“^*New*^”
Morning
“^*New*^”
Hopes
“^*New*^”
Plans
“^*New*^”
Efforts
“^*New*^”
Feelings
“^*I Pray to*^
“ALLAH”
To Give U
“^*Happiness*^”
======&======
“^*Success*^”
Good Morning.

Cool Morning Breeze
And
Pearly Dew Drops,

Waving Green Leaves
And
Flowers Blossom,

All Bring Joy and Say,
To
Start a Happy New Day

Good Morning.

“MORNING”
is a good time to “REMEMBER
all the sweet things &
all sweet persons in your “LIFE
so wake up with your
“SWEET MEMORIES”

!GOOD MORNING!

Sleeping Duration

For Women 5 hrs.
For Men 6 hrs
For Children 7 hrs
For Monkey 8 hrs.

Hello my dear Your 8 hrs is over.

Get Up Lazy Bum

Good Morning